So here's my beef...we are bombarded throughout the day with the absolute worst representations of true love one could imagine. The primary culprit...TV. Also in the line-up, movies, magazines, romance novels, friends at school, internet, etc. Think just a minute about how they describe love.We're led to believe that love is some "all-powerful" force that transcends any circumstance, any roadblock, any hurdle that may present itself. We're convinced that love manifests itself as "warm-fuzzy" feelings that others just can't understand..."it just can't be described." Because of it's nature, "love is totally outside of our control. We have no control over who we 'fall in love' with, or when it starts to happen." The obvious conclusion from this viewpoint; we can't possibly be held responsible for our actions that are derived from our love.
The same logic naturally flows into the whole concept of "falling out of love." How can we control the fact that we no longer love this person? Maybe you've heard the classic TV line that says something like "How can I stay with him? I just don't love him anymore."
So here's the issue...What is Love? How should it be defined? Don't just give your opinion...I want chapter and verse. How does God define (or show) love?
14 comments:
John 3:16- For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him shouldnot perish but have eternal life.
Romans 5:8- But God commendeth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for.
2 things:
1. For God so loved that he GAVE
2. God DEMONSTRATED his love toward us
God gave us his most precious gift, his only son.
~Kristen
So, how does that help us define love as it applies to our relationships here on Earth? Specifically, how do you recognize (or describe) what it means to be "in love" based on your excellent comments?
Love is Sacrificial, Giving not Getting. Love is not selfish. Love is not self centered. Love is longsuffering. (some of these are from 1 Corinthians 13) Love desires what's best for the other person. EG- if my daddy loves me he'll want what's best for me...not just what's convenient for him.
So...do we have a choice in "falling in love?" Or, is it something that just happens...just comes natural? Considering your definition of love, is it possible to "fall out of love" once you're married?
wow Chris you're really making me think hard, i shall have to consult my master before I answer this one.....
Love is caring more about the other person's happiness than your own. It has to be an every day decision to give up your selfishness. When people "fall out of love," they never really loved the person because 1 Cor 13:8 says Love never fails. Love requires forgiveness. (1 Peter 4:8)
So, are you saying that love is a decision? What if you no longer choose to make this "daily decision"? Does that mean you were never in love?
Or...is it possible that sin entered the picture and changed things up? Is it a sin to no longer love a spouse? Or...is it something that you have no control over?
Just throwing out some more thoughts!
Love totally has to be a decision. You don't just wake up one morning and BOOM! you're in love. As humans, it isn't instinctive or easy to love. It takes effort, and yes sin gets in the way! Jesus said that the whole law (Matt 22:38-40)is summed up in loving; Him and others. So when we disobey (sin) we're choosing not to love.
The classical Greek notes four types of love: eros: a sexual or sensual type of love, storge: a maternal type of love; phileo: a friendship type of love; and agape: sacrificial love. All of them except agape have an element of selfishness to them. Agape has been defined as “purposing the highest good of another at any cost to self even to the point of sacrifice.” As for “falling in love,” I’m not really sure that can happen. There is the initial attraction, even infatuation and then the growth in love. If a relationship is based on infatuation alone, then when the relationship stops meeting the needs of either party, it becomes very easy to go their separate ways. If this happens, love, at its highest level, never existed. Sometimes infatuation elicits an emotional response, and when that feeling leaves or evaporates, those involved believe they have fallen out of love but true love never existed. To find a true picture of agape, read I Corinthians 13:4-8. If one says s/he has “fallen out of love,” it is likely that true love never existed. We do not fall in love; we grow in love.
I guess this is a tangent, but what is your take on dating? Specifically, how do you know when you are ready to start dating and how can you make sure that God stays at the center of your thoughts and the relationship? I've liked people before, but I start thinking about them way too much. I'm afraid that when I do start dating, the person will take up more of my thoughts than God.
Ah yes, attraction...it is a very powerful thing. And very normal, I might add. I just turned 25 and in my young life I have had many different thoughts about the issue. At one time, "I kissed dating goodbye." But then when I didn't marry the first guy I dated and then I didn't marry the second guy either, I realized that there was some great pros about the dating scene. A.K.A. I learned a lot about what love was not and what it truly is.
To get back to the original question...let us first break down the current view of a "dating" relationship.
1.)It is called anything from "going out" to being "just friends." So, let's lump the terms together into one - "dating."
2.)What do you think is the biggest thing that sets dating apart from just a couple of close friends of the opposite sex? I would have to say the physical aspect. I have heard constant questions like these from your peers...Have you kissed your b/g friend? Do you hold hands? Etc.
3.) Why date? Are you just dating for fun or are you dating for the purpose of getting to know that person for the desire of marriage in the near future?
I think these are the biggest areas that need to be looked at when we enter the dating arena.
What does the Bible say about dating? Well, it doesn't spell it out for us specifically. BUT, it does give us principles in handling all relationships and gives us things to be aware of. Character, heart attitude, actions, and outward appearance to name a few of those areas.
Ok, now to elaborate on the 3 issues.
1.)Whatever you wish to call it, dating is, I would say, having an exclusive friend of the opposite sex that you spend most of your time with, go out with, talk to on the phone, etc. I think most of us would agree on this.
2.)Dating is not, I repeat, NOT for guys and gals to have "someone to make out with!" There is so much pressure saying it is ok and you should have physical contact, because that is how you prove how much you care for that person. BOLOGNA!! A lot of times it shows how little you respect that person. Have you ever heard of the story of the girl who walks down the aisle to marry her love on her wedding day only to find all the guys she has ever dated or kissed standing beside her husband to be? The idea is that because she gave a part of her heart to all of those young men, her husband was left with the rest. Makes you think, huh? Yeah, me too. So, be very careful!
3.)So, what is the reason we date? To have a good time? Because we want a "courtship" to see if this is the one to marry? There are a lot of different opinions. Having someone who likes you and is liked by you is a neat thing, is it not? They want to know every detail of your day, they want to make you happy, they enjoy being with you; it is nice. But then, as you said, it is easy to replace all other thoughts with the one who makes you feel like no other. So, here is the tough side...figuring out if and when I am ready to date -
mentally and spiritually. Let me just say that ANYTHING can take us away from thinking about God, sad to say. And dating is a big one, but there are so many other things as well - movies/TV, Hollywood stars, music, fashion, cars, sports, etc. So, it is a daily decision to walk closely with the Lord. If you are consistent before you have the "crush" in your life, you must still work at keeping consistent even more. The Lord wants us to be happy and enjoy life and in time He will bring along someone that is the best for you...if it is His will that you marry, then rest assured you will. But, until then you must be ready for "Mr./Mrs. Right." If we are not ready, we might miss out! Then, when you are in the middle of what God wants, He will give you a spouse that you adore like I do my husband - whom I feel I don't deserve on a daily basis! And that is a great feeling.
So, it probably sounds like I don't care for dating, but don't get me wrong. I just don't like the way teenagers are going about it these days. I don't think the Lord cares for it either.
I think the Lord is pleased when we love like we have discussed in this blog and we carry that love into a dating relationship as well. There is no need for physical touch, BUT there IS a need for parental involvement. In all that we would like to say on these blogs, we want to always shift back a little to how your parents feel about certain situations. How do they feel about dating? Why not spend time getting to know the families closely? It tends to show the trueness of a person when and how they interact with their family. Now, it is not always possible and some unsaved families are not the best model, but the Lord put us where He wanted us and above all else He wanted us to honor and respect them...without excuses.
So, in light of all of this...let's take a look at the who, what, where, when and why's of our dating lives and put them under a microscope. Let us make sure that there is a I Cor. 13, Rom. 5, and Matt. 22 love in ALL of our relationships!!
I was reading this conversation and it got me to thinking about dating and love. I don't want to go through college and graduate and not find someone that "loves" me. Someone that will stand beside me through hard times in my life. Someone that is spiritually strong in the Lord and we can build each other up. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've never felt how it is to be in "love" with someone and receive that "love" in return. I've prayed that God would send someone my way. I guess I'm not ready for a relationship like that, even though I want it really bad. Why has God not sent that person to me yet? Is He making me into wife I need to be? ~Share Bear~
Great Blog by the way!
Heather says: Yes, God is definately making you into the wife that He wants you to be!!
In your desire, don't forget to cherish the times that you have with your gal friends and the opportunities that you have to minister to others! After you are married, your priorities (as the Apostle Paul says) will then be to your husband. He will be your main focus on this earth.
It IS a wonderful thing, but you DON'T want to miss out on the awesome opportunities that God will give you right now!
Discipling other young ladies is one of the neatest ways to grow closer to the Lord, give you accountability and responsibility, and teach you spiritual leadership. College is the best place for this!!
Also, remember that you are still young. I know, I know...even your classmates are getting married and some of your closest friends are in serious relationships. But remember, your Heavenly Father has His plan already designed for you and it is more awesome than you can imagine, AND it is just for YOU! Isn't that neat to think about?
In college, it was when I stopped looking for the man that I wanted to marry that God brought him along. And he was meant just for me! But if I would have been too hasty, I would have missed out on the best that God had for ME!
Dr. White, a professor at Piedmont, challenged the students one time about our pursuit of "Mr. or Mrs. Right." He said that instead of trying to FIND the right person to marry we need to BECOME the right person to marry. You see, God is giving you all this time to become the best wife that you can be, but more importantly, He is giving you all this time to become the best servant of His that you can be!
Look up I Cor. 7.
Stay tuned for what "Chris says!"
Thanks for your advice Heather. It's good to hear from somebody else (besides my parents) on this topic. I'm looking forward to what Chris has to say now! You have been very helpful. :)
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